Julio Franco is NOT Ponce De Leon

Yeah, right, there's no way Julio Franco took steriods. He's just a freak of nature who eats 30 hard-boiled egg whites a day and drinks the blood of Malaysian toddlers. His contract with the devil has expired and the Mets have designated him for assignment in place of L Millz.

Here are some interesting facts about baseball's golden girl:

Julio Franco is so old, he has a Jesus Starter jacket.

Julio Franco is so old, when he was in school there was no history class.

Julio Franco is so old, he is the last MLB player eligible to wear a batting with no ear flaps.*

Julio Franco is so old, he has an autographed bible.

Julio Franco is so old, he was born when the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

Julio Franco is so old, he and Ted Williams both faced the same pitcher.*

Julio Franco is so old, when Moses was parting the Red Sea, he was on the other side fishing.

*These facts could be true.